Chapter 23
"This won't go unnoticed, Knight." Captain Reese smiled from the other side of his desk. "You're sure to get another commendation. Not to mention the fact that you make the whole precinct look good."
Nick couldn't help the twitch of a grin that pulled at his lips when he heard the genuine enthusiasm in his boss' voice. Joe was happy about how things had gone down at the store, but he was probably a little more pleased by the attention the rescue would garner from the brass. Reese was never one to shy away from putting a little grease on the skids, and this would definitely make things slide a little easier.
"Thanks, Cap." The vampire tried to down-play his actions. "But I was just doing my job."
"I know, Nick, but you did something not too many cops would have been able to do. There were eleven people in that store with two gunmen. You took both of them out without anyone getting hurt. How in the world did you do it?"
"Yeah, Nick," Tracy Vetter spoke up, a hint of suspicious sarcasm in her voice. "How did you do it?"
Nick looked at his partner and saw a hint of resentment lurking in her eyes. As usual, he'd sent her to the opposite side of the building from where he had been, and by the time she'd gotten to the scene, everything was over.
He shrugged. "Just dumb luck, I guess."
"Yeah, right." The younger detective shook her head, impatient disbelief guarding her expression. "We were just driving by that grocery store. Nothing visible. Nothing on the radio. How did you know there were two creeps inside trying to rob the place?" She put her hands on her hips as a dubious smirk quirked her mouth. "That 'dumb luck' stuff seems to happen to you an awful lot."
All Nick could do was offer another shrug. Explaining his sixth sense had never been an option, and it never would be.
"Well," Reese moved from behind his desk and gave Nick a hefty pat on the back, "whatever it was, the people in that store should count themselves very lucky you were around, Nick. They owe you their lives. It looks like you were their blessing for the day."
"...blessing for the day." The words echoed in Nick's head as he recalled the one other time he'd heard them, the satisfied grin fading from his face. Jacob had said those very words to him on the day they'd met. But a blessing had been the last thing Nick had turned out to be for the mortal. A stab of guilt twisted the detective's gut. No, blessing was not a word he would use. Jacob had not been blessed. Elliot had not been blessed. Cursed had a more accurate ring to it.
But this situation was different. Wasn't it? The question begged a reprieve from the blame. He would never see these people again. He would not remain a part of their lives. He wouldn't have the opportunity to do them harm. The humans whose lives he'd saved tonight would only know the lie he perpetrated. They would only see the falsehood of humanity with which he continued to mask his true self. They had benefited from his darkened soul and the unnatural abilities it allowed. They would never come face to face with the reality of what he was and the danger he represented to them. So, could he let himself feel good about what he'd done tonight? The rescue wasn't enough, of course. Nothing would ever be enough to make up for the tragedy he'd spread throughout his pathetic existence. But maybe he could cut himself a tiny sliver of slack for tonight's success. After all, no mortals had died.
"I want you two to finish the report before you leave tonight." Reese stuffed his hands in his pants' pockets as he looked at the detective team. "I'll fill out the commendation paperwork." He beamed another smile at Nick. "Great work, Detective."
"Ah...thanks, Cap." The vampire really couldn't think of anything else to say.
The next hour passed quickly and quietly as Nick and Tracy worked on the arrest report.
"Jeez, Nick." At one point, the rookie detective looked up from the computer where she was doing the backgrounds on the two men they'd arrested. "This Jack Simon is one bad character. From the looks of this, he may have killed everyone in that store tonight just for the fun of it."
"Yeah." Nick nodded. "He escaped from jail right after a double murder conviction last year before they had a chance to move him to a maximum security facility. He wouldn't have thought twice about leaving that store with no witnesses alive to testify. It's a lucky thing we passed by when we did."
The cynical expression returned to his partner's face. "Yeah, lucky thing."
A rare wave of gratification moved through Nick as the young mortal repeated his words. He had made a difference tonight, a positive difference. He'd all but forgotten what it felt like. The twitch of an unexpected smile pulled at the corners of his mouth. It felt good.
His attention dropped from the unspoken question in Tracy's eyes to settle on the report in front of him as he avoided any further discussion about what he had done tonight, or rather, how he'd done what he'd done tonight. Detective Vetter's curiosity would have to go unsatisfied.
By the time the report was finished, the shift was just about over. As Nick returned from handing the recap of the night's adventure to Reese, Tracy's phone rang.
"Vetter." Picking up a pencil, she pulled a notepad from a drawer. "Hey, Nat." The pencil remained idle while Tracy listened. "Yeah? Okay, we'll stop by. Thanks." As she replaced the receiver, the young detective looked up at Nick. "That was Natalie. She says she's got something for us on the Robinson case." Glancing at her watch, Tracy dropped the pencil on the desk and stood. She pulled her coat from the back of her chair as she continued. "Shift's almost over." Pushing her arms into the sleeves, she looked back at her partner. "You want to take separate cars? Meet at the coroner's office? That way you won't have to bring me back here afterwards."
"Sure," Nick agreed as a faint unease washed over him. He hadn't seen Natalie since the night LaCroix had visited to the loft. It had been three days. Three days since she'd come to him, offering comfort and encouragement. He could still feel the warmth of her touch, still see the love and passion shining in her eyes. The temptation of her understanding, even now, weakened his determination to leave her. But LaCroix had been right. Nick's mouth tightened with the admission. He had to let this life go. He could no longer tolerate the risk he represented. He had to keep his distance. And then, he had to walk away.
But the force of his resolve had dwindled over the last few days. As much as Nick tried to deny it, Elliot's visit had affected him, changed him, more than he would have thought possible. It had permeated the dark cocoon of pain and guilt that surrounded him, and punched a multitude of tiny pinholes in the sturdy barrier, allowing the soft light of forgiveness and hope to filter in. Elliot's appearance made him contemplate the possibility of staying, consider the prospect of self-forgiveness. And Natalie's tender compassion would only help to weaken his protective shield of misery. Seeing her tonight would be a test of his failing determination, a test he continued to believe he had to pass, for everyone's sake.
"Sure," he repeated after pulling himself from his jumbled thoughts, the turmoil taking some of the edge off his earlier contentment. It was mistake to get caught up in the ideas of accomplishment and forgiveness. It was foolish. He would no longer play the fool. Nodding, he added, "I'll meet you there in about thirty minutes."
"Okay, sounds good."
Tracy was already at the coroner's office when Nick arrived. As the vampire walked through the door to the lab, he found his partner perched on Nat's desk, relaying the earlier events of the evening to the lovely doctor, who sat in the chair taking in the tale with a wondrous smile.
"Yeah, Nick's a big hero...again." Tracy sighed in frustration. "I don't know how he does it, but he always manages to be in the right place at the right time."
A sudden stab of longing shot through Nick as he studied Natalie's precious face, the genuine happiness reflected there giving him pause. His actions tonight were the reason for her happiness, and the knowledge prompted another surge of gratification to rush over him.
But how long will it last? the unforgiving inner voice chided. How long before that contentment is shattered? How long before what you are once again destroys that fragile bliss?
As he faced the scathing questions, Nick's ghostly smile vanished, the unspoken answer giving him the strength to squelch the aching need that clawed at his heart. He wasn't going to allow himself the time to do anymore damage, to shatter anymore lives. He wasn't. It had to end.
He remained quietly lost in Natalie's delighted expression as Tracy continued. "But I have to say, however he does it, I'm grateful for it. He's saved so many lives, including my own. I kinda hate to admit it, but...." The young detective's voice grew hushed as a serious note suddenly colored her tone. "I don't want to think about where I might be if he weren't around. He's...well, he's helped me more than I'll ever be able to tell him."
With those last words, Natalie's eyes left Tracy and collided with Nick's. The surprise he saw there only lasted a second before it was banished by a happy tenderness, the sight of him seeming to afford her as much, if not more, delight than Tracy's story. But as Nick watched her search his face and confront the troubled frown that hardened his features, he saw his worried unease become reflected in Nat's expression.
Steeling himself against the sympathetic pain he felt answer the sorrowful look, the vampire made his presence known to both of the room's occupants as he walked over to the desk. "You starting without me, partner?" He forced an uninspired smile to his lips. "I thought we were supposed to be doing things together?"
As Nick spoke, Tracy's attention quickly shifted in his direction, his quiet entrance catching her unawares. He noticed her eyes narrow slightly as she confronted him, but the faint irritation appeared to pass quickly as a smile suddenly sparkled in the blue depths. "Look who's talkin'. The guy who should have the definition of 'together' tattooed on the back of his hand." Nick's stilted smile softened to one of genuine mirth as his partner continued. "Anyway, we weren't starting without you. I was just telling Nat about tonight's little adventure."
"Well, it was nothing, Trace. You don't need to make a big deal out of it." Nick shook his head.
"Oh, I don't know," Natalie's concerned frown disappeared, the earlier smile returning to her lovely face while the gleam of a silent encouragement shone in her eyes. "It sounds like a very big deal to me, a very big deal."
Nick felt his unsound resolve slip a fraction as he understood the encouraged meaning in Nat's words. He wished with every ounce of strength he possessed it could be that easy, that his good deed tonight could make up for what he'd done to Elliot, that it would somehow protect Natalie and others from his poisoning influence. But.... His fragile determination settled back into place, his strength of purpose somewhat replenished with the fresh thought of Elliot. It wasn't that easy. Nothing he could do would make up for what he'd allowed to happen, for the creature he was and the suffering he'd inflicted. Elliot had forgiven him, yes. But he'd yet to find forgiveness for himself, even though the idea was no longer quite as repugnant to him as it had been three days ago.
"Yeah, it's a big deal." Tracy broke into Nick's condemning thoughts. "As much as you're trying to ignore it, it's a big deal." Taking a deep breath, she turned her attention back to Natalie. "So, what's this new stuff on the Robinson case?"
Nat's contented stare left Nick as she took a sheet of paper from one of the boxes on her desk and handed it to Tracy. "It seems that some of the blood we found on Mister Robinson wasn't his. He was O positive, and the drops we found on the sleeve of his coat were AB negative. Pretty rare and definitely not his. So...the killer, whoever he or she was, may have left a calling card--unintentionally, of course."
Detective Vetter handed the lab report to Nick, who quickly scanned the page. Robinson had been found dead last night in an alley, shot twice in the chest at close range. From what Nick's partner had told him, at first, they had thought it looked like a drug deal gone bad, and then they'd learned the victim's identity.
David 'Tunes' Robinson was a twenty-year-old member of the Turks, one of the more dominant gangs in town. But this didn't follow the usual MO of a gang killing. It wasn't a drive-by. Instead, it had several earmarks of a setup. And still, it appeared as if Robinson had been able to do some damage before he died. A keen impatience hardened Nick's jaw. But regardless of the new piece of evidence, finding the young man's killer was going to be a tough job.
The war between the Turks and the Blades seemed to be escalating. And even though the alley where Robinson's body had been found was bordered on either side by a couple of apartment buildings, miraculously, no one had seen or heard a thing. If anyone knew anything, they weren't about to talk to the cops. Such behavior wasn't good for one's health.
"Is that it, Nat?"
Nick looked up from the report when Tracy spoke, the tiny note of confusion in her voice grabbing his attention. Apparently, she was expecting something more. And to be honest, so was he. If this was all she had, Natalie could have given them the information over the phone. There had been no real need for them to come down to the lab.
"Yeah, the new blood sample. That's it." Natalie's smile was a little on the sheepish side as her eyes left Tracy to settle on Nick once again.
A sudden wave of surprise hit Nick as he read the confession in her meek expression. Like he and his partner, Nat knew their trip down here hadn't been necessary. That is, at least, not necessary for furthering the case. But as he gazed into the doctor's beloved face, Nick realized that it had been necessary, necessary for her. Her features softened as she continued to look at him, her honest, open expression, filled with love and longing, trumpeting her need to see him.
A frosty shame joined the warm surprise that enveloped him. His refusal to let her near him over the last three days had fostered this move. In his effort to begin the separation, he'd stayed away from her, cutting her calls short or not answering them at all. And when she had come around to see him, he'd refused to let her into the loft.
He felt an unwanted lump form in his throat. Each time he rejected her attempts to comfort and console him, he wrestled against his heart's unwillingness to harm her. Learning to assert the callous disregard was a painful...an agonizing, process, but one that had to be done. He kept telling himself that it was for her own good. That in the end she would be safe and free from his evil influence. That her life would be better, fuller, without him in it. That the suffering would herald a brighter future for her, much brighter than anything she could possibly have with him. There was no future with him. There was only death.
With each rejection, he told himself these things, but it didn't make what he was doing any easier. He loved her with every shred of mortal feeling he possessed. Pushing her away was one of the hardest things he'd ever had to do. The pain shadowing her eyes or the hurt echoing in her voice each time he cast aside her freely-offered compassion was eating him alive.
Why isn't this getting any easier? It should be getting easier, the frustrated challenge quietly hounded him.
Nick fought hard to hold back his beckoning tears. She deserved so much more than he could ever give her. When was she going to see that and give up on him? When?
Three more weeks. Just three more weeks and he could end the torture for everyone. Again, Nick silently acknowledged his master's wisdom. Making this promise to Natalie had been a mistake, a heartbreaking mistake. But it was a mistake he would see through to the end. He would not break the last pledge he would ever be able to make to her, no matter how much it hurt.
"Well...okay...ah," Tracy's voice shattered the seconds of charged silence. "I guess I'm gonna hit the road then." Her knowing eyes darted from Nick to Natalie as she slid off the desk, an abrupt awareness of the electric moment making the coroner's motives suddenly very clear. The young detective decided that she needed to make herself scarce, sooner rather than later. "Ah...thanks for the info, Nat." Not waiting for a reply, she started walking toward the door. As she passed her partner, she patted him on the arm. "I'll catch you tomorrow night." With that, she left the room.
It took a Herculean effort, but Nick finally pulled his gaze from the inviting warmth in Natalie's eyes. Concentrating on the floor, he cleared his throat. "Good night." He wasn't sure if she even heard the husky whisper, but he had no intention of waiting around to find out. Her loving comfort called to him, and he couldn't stay around and allow himself to get caught in it. He wouldn't.
Turning, he took a step toward the door.
"Please."
The quiet plea stopped him in his tracks.
"Please, Nick. Talk to me."
Painful tears echoed in her voice, and the sound savagely ripped at his heart.
"You promised."
Nick closed his eyes against the tortuous regret the simple reminder encouraged. With a deep breath, he tried to prepare himself for the anguish he knew he would see in the lovely face behind him. Slowly, he turned back around. His discipline, however, wasn't nearly strong enough, and the sorrow he confronted almost drew an answering groan of misery from him. God help him, how was he going to keep this up?
Elliot, the inner voice coldly intervened. You remember Elliot, don't you? Hurting her now will save her in the end. You do want to save her, don't you?
More than anything in the world.
"I promised to stay, Nat, nothing more." The harsh note he injected into his voice amazed him. Because, as he studied Natalie's wounded expression, the last thing he was feeling was the cold cruelty that tainted his words. In reality, a fierce need pulled at him, an all-too-human desire to comfort. He wanted nothing more than to be able to ease her pain, take away the hurt, tell her that everything was going to be all right. But...that wasn't possible, not now, not ever. He needed the cold tone to hide the forbidden craving. Silently, he hoped he could maintain the facade.
"There can't be anything more," the stony vampire continued. "You've got to understand that. I'm leaving. I have to. Nothing you can say will change my mind. I'm through with this life. I've stayed here too long. It's time to move on, to let this life go, to leave you with what little peace you have left. There's no other way."
He watched a tear slip from her eye, and the need to console her burned a little brighter. Reaching up, she quickly wiped the revealing wetness away, an indignant frown furrowing her brow as she seemed to be fighting the sadness that threatened to overtake her.
Rising from the chair, Natalie walked toward Nick, stopping only a foot or so from him, her increased heart rate another indication of a blossoming irritation. Her voice, too, conveyed a faint displeasure, an unmistakable note of distaste infecting it when she finally spoke--low, quiet, accusing. "So you're not even going to try to come to terms with what happened? You're not going to try to make your life here work? Is that all Elliot's life meant to you? Is that all Jacob and Beth mean to you? Are you really able to dismiss them so quickly, so callously?"
She might as well have slugged him in the jaw, the caustic inquiry landing more squarely than any right cross ever could. Staring at her in perplexed disbelief, Nick slowly shook his head. Why did she refuse to see that what he did, he did for her, for Jacob and Beth, for Elliot's memory? And as he continued to digest the impassioned words, the immortal's irritation blossomed into a heated indignation, the hands in his coat pockets rolling into ridged fists.
"Dismiss them?" The question was short and sharp, Nick finding no need to feign the harshness now. "I couldn't dismiss them even if I wanted to. They're burned into my mind and heart. They'll be a part of me for as long as I walk this earth." Taking a step forward, his steady gaze bore into the startled eyes of the mortal who stood before him, the heat of his anger permeating his biting words. "Elliot's life meant more to me than I can put into words, Natalie. Don't ever question my love for him, or his importance to me. Ever."
His dangerous posture appeared to sober her a little, and Nick watched as she swallowed hard at his forceful insistence. Nevertheless, her courage didn't desert her, and she stubbornly stood her ground. But when she spoke again, a gentle, more accepting, light shone in her eyes, along with a silent plea for forgiveness. "I'm sorry, Nick. I know how much you loved Elliot. I've never doubted it for one moment." There was an anxious edge to the soft voice that asked his absolution. Closing the distance between them with another step, she reached out to place a tender hand on his arm, another hushed request for tolerance. The unexpected contact served its purpose as Nick felt his anger ease. But while calming the storm of one emotion, Natalie's touch kindled the flame of another. Even through the thickness of his coat, the vampire experienced her inviting warmth, and a hot longing scorched him.
No! Nick silently warned himself away.
"But surely," Nat's words filtered through the haze of need, "you don't believe Elliot would want to be the cause of your giving up, of your running away? Would he want you to magnify the waste his death represents by allowing it to destroy your dream of mortality?"
Elliot. What would Elliot want him to do? A mild amusement tempered Nick's longing as he considered the question, another query coming to the fore. What would Natalie think if she knew that he was very much aware of what Elliot wanted him to do? How would she react if she learned of the child's ghostly visit? Somehow, he didn't want to find out. Like himself, she had been privy to the otherworldly influence of Kessel House. She'd been visited several times by the ghost of her grandmother. He knew she would believe him if he confided in her. And he feared her acceptance, wary of the hope it would instill in her. Knowing Elliot forgave him would only give her a keener sense of purpose when it came to trying to convince him to continue his life in Toronto. No. The subtle amusement withered. She would refuse to see that the boy's forgiveness changed nothing. Or so Nick kept trying to convince himself even as the warmth of the child's love continued to glow in a corner his cold heart. But forgiven or not, he was still a danger. It would be easier not to tell Nat about Elliot's appearance at the loft. Resisting their separate influences was proving to be difficult enough. A combined effort channeled through the embodiment of Natalie's steadfast conviction would be nearly impossible to overcome.
"Elliot is--" Nick faltered as he recognized the incorrect reference, guilty pain another reason for his hesitation. "Elliot was a child, Natalie. He would want a happy ending no matter how unrealistic the possibility may be."
The doctor's eyebrows rose slightly in annoyed surprise, her voice nonetheless quiet and even. "I want a happy ending, Nick. Am I acting like a child?"
"No, Nat." He slowly shook his head. "You're acting like a dreamer." He couldn't stop himself from lifting a hand, his fingers reaching out to slide down a satin cheek. The contact sent a warm electricity shooting through the vampire's chilly hand as he continued. "A lovely, optimistic dreamer."
Natalie's irritation seemed to fade with his touch, a sad smile softening her features. "Life would be pretty trying without a dream or two to help us along. What about you, Nick? Can't you dream anymore? Have you really truly lost the ability?"
A memory pulled at Nick's mouth, the frown deepening as he recalled his words to Katherine Barrington almost 50 years ago. "Dreams are portable.... I carry mine with me."
At the time, it had been true. Although he'd had to move from life to life in order to hide his true nature, for the last couple of centuries his dream of a cure, of a return to mortality, remained with him no matter where he went. He'd kept it safely tucked away in his heart, drawing strength from his belief that someday it would become a reality.
But now, with this latest tragedy, he'd watched the dream fade into nothingness. He had felt it drain from his heart the moment he'd set eyes on Elliot's lifeless body, and he no longer seemed to have the energy to conjure it again. Had he lost the ability to dream? Yes, perhaps he had. But if it made him see things more clearly, more realistically, was it really such a bad thing?
Nick dropped his hand from the tempting softness of Natalie's skin. Working to regain his aloof coolness, he walked over to the counter and stared down at the clean stainless steel. "I don't know." He heard the distant chill echo in his voice and silently congratulated himself. "Maybe I have. But I think it's for the best. I see things more clearly now. Without the fog of an unattainable dream blurring my vision, I can see what I have to do. And I know I can't do any good here anymore."
"Any good?" A rigid impatience raised the volume of the short reply before Natalie joined Nick at the counter. His eyes remained trained on the steel surface as she stared up at his profile. "What about what you did tonight? Wasn't that something good? Something very good?"
"But it wasn't enough." Tired frustration caused a slow sigh as Nick turned to face Natalie. The same subtle pleading he'd heard in her questions was reflected in her earnest expression, and the sight threatened to melt the frigid wall he was working so hard to maintain. She seemed to be willing him to agree with her, silently urging him accept her outlook on the whole thing. She appeared desperate for him to believe in what he'd done tonight, to believe in himself. He continued to be mesmerized by her open, expressive features and was astounded by what he read in them. She laid herself bare for him as a rainbow of raw emotion cried out for his surrender. There was compassion. There was fear. And there was love. But above all else there was hope, a remarkable faith that refused to give in and admit defeat. He'd seen it before many times, and it still continued to amaze him. Once again, he fought the need to reward that hope, to console her, to ease her mind, to take away the worry. Quickly stifling the nagging desire, he focused his attention on the wall just over Nat's shoulder while he mentally backed away from the lure of the tender feeling. His tone dropped to a detached whisper when he found his voice again. "Nothing I do will ever be enough. Nothing, that is...but staying away."
"And if you'd stayed away tonight?" An unforgiving exasperation pierced Nat's question as she defiantly crossed her arms over her chest, her attitude abruptly changing with Nick's persistent stubbornness. "If you hadn't been there? How many people in that store would have died?"
"That's not the same thing," Nick curtly insisted as he retreated to stand next to the empty autopsy table, still refusing to look at Natalie.
"Yes, it is!" the doctor fervently implored before once again following the immortal. "Those people are alive tonight because you were here to save them. You were here. That's all that matters."
"Is it?" A hard challenge resonated in the words as Nick turned to face Natalie. "And the way I did it, that doesn't mean anything to you? The fact that my darkened soul was the reason for my success tonight? The reality that the powers of my evil allowed for the rescue?" Nat remained uncharacteristically silent as he thrust the obviously unsettling inquiries in her direction. A sheepish unease suddenly clouded her eyes as she seemed unable, or unwilling, to defend the ironic contradiction he was pointing out.
"Yes," Nick nodded when he continued, the sad defeat in Natalie's eyes calming his tone with a sympathetic softness. "I saved those people, but what about all the others that suffer, have suffered, because I'm here, a part of their lives? In the end, my blackened soul smothers everything good, everything bright, around it."
"No, Nick. You're wrong. I'll never believe that. Never." The comforting contradiction was just above a whisper as Natalie shook her head. "Elliot didn't suffer because of you. Jacob and Elizabeth aren't suffering because of you. What you did tonight was wonderful, positive. Please don't dismiss it as something inconsequential. It means a great deal. And I know it's something Elliot would be very proud of you for. Just like I am--very proud."
With the last words, Natalie cupped a sweet hand to Nick's cheek, and he felt the wall of ice melt into a useless puddle at his feet, the consoling warmth radiating from Nat's words and touch more intense than any sunlight. He should have pulled away, but he couldn't, he just...couldn't. Instead, he found himself doing the very opposite, his head leaning ever so slightly into the tender caress. In reaction, Nat's heart took up another anxious rhythm, the rapid pulsation pounding in the vampire's ears. Closing his eyes, he struggled against the lure of the commanding enticement, the ancient music of the mortal body calling him with a siren's song that had been a constant torture for the past 800 years. And to compound the temptation of the melody of the heart was the heady perfume of the blood, Natalie's glorious scent filling him as he took what he foolishly hoped would be a steadying deep breath. It did little else but tempt him further, his hunger for her scorching through him like a wild fire, consuming his puny determination with its unyielding heat. But the hunger wasn't borne of bloodlust, not truly. It came from his heart, from a human place deep inside him that he didn't know still existed, that he didn't know could exist. It came from an unfamiliar place where the darkness didn't thrive, the place where Elliot's love softly glowed. From a place where a new beginning, a new hope, could be nurtured?
No. Nick's jaw tightened with the quiet denial. The idea was ludicrous, foolhardy, dangerous. But.... His eyes sprang open as the soothing possibility beckoned him. What confronted him did little to reinforce his effort to extinguish the absurd flight of fancy. A beautiful promise shone in Natalie's eyes as she gazed up at him, the ghost of a smile on her lips. So close, so lovely, so trusting. A gentle dream of a happy future entreated his acceptance, and he wished he could believe. He wanted to believe.
"Can't you see that this is for the best--staying and working your way back. It can be done, Nick." Taking another step closer to him, Natalie raised up on her toes, her mouth hovering just under Nick's, their breath mingling with her husky whisper. "Please...please let me help you."
The proximity of her loving softness was too much for Nick, and with a muffled groan, he covered her trembling mouth with his, the desire to taste her sweeping him away with the force of a raging river current. His hands left the pockets of his coat, his arms moving around Natalie's waist to pull her against him. She was so warm, so gloriously warm. His lips moved slowly against hers, asking for entrance into the sweetness that awaited him inside. He heard a hushed moan rise from her as she granted his hungry request, her hand sliding from his cheek to feather through the hair at the back of his head, drawing him closer. A feral urgency engulfed Nick as he savored Nat's velvety warmth, drinking deeply of the honeyed flesh. But he couldn't seem to get enough as he eagerly explored her willing mouth. And when he felt the call of the vampire start to overwhelm him, he somehow summoned the strength to pull himself from the enchanting sensations of having Natalie in his arms.
Reluctantly releasing her lips, Nick raised his head and looked at the woman who offered him such unselfish love and support. A love he didn't deserve. A support he couldn't accept. Her eyes were alight with the passion that continued to flicker there, a longing, as powerful as his, staring back at him from sparkling blue eyes.
"Nat-- I-- We can't--" Nick found it difficult to concentrate on what he knew had to be said, the flame of his hot desire still burning through his cold body. His icy defenses completely shattered, he couldn't find the words, words of apology, words of discouragement. Dropping his hands from Natalie's waist, he put some distance between them by taking a couple of steps backward, his eyes falling to the floor with his confusion. She was too great a temptation.
What had happened to all his well-intentioned resistance? An angry disappointment rushed through him as he tried to think. It had been stripped clean, that's what had happened, her inviting need to comfort and encourage him very effectively undermining his vow to keep her at arms' length. And he had willingly given in to the seduction of her compassion, allowed himself a momentary reprieve from the guilty anguish. It felt so good, so right. But...it wasn't right. Not for Natalie, not for her safety. How could he have permitted this to happen? How could he have been so weak?
"I...I've got to go. The sun 'll be up soon." The flimsy excuse was all he could muster, the necessity of retreat hammering in the back of his mind.
Desperate to squelch the craving to pull her to him again, Nick avoided looking at Natalie as he abruptly turned away and beat a quick exit through the door.
Her heart was about to pound its way right out of her chest, a familiar frustration throbbing through her with every beat. The air moved quickly over her parted lips as she tried to catch her breath, the effects of the heart-stopping kiss still playing havoc with her heated body. She stood rooted to the floor, staring at the closed door of the lab for several minutes as the need surging through her finally began to dissipate.
Putting a hand to her lips, Natalie remembered Nick's passionate caress and felt herself smile. She knew if she looked in a mirror, the grin on her face would be one of the silliest things she'd seen in a very long time. But she just couldn't help it. Something had happened this morning, something wonderful. Something, that is, besides the incredible kiss.
For some odd reason, Natalie had the impression that a major battle had been won here this morning. A significant step forward had occurred right before her eyes.
Almost from the moment he'd entered the lab, she'd felt a difference in Nick, something she couldn't quite put her finger on. Something softer, more yielding. Oh, he'd tried to maintain the stony front, and there were a couple of times he'd had her fooled, the harshness in his words cutting sharply through her optimistic hope. But the bitter malice never appeared as unrelenting as it had just after Elliot's death. Even his heartbreaking rejections over the last few days had carried more of a frigid hardness. The edge had, for whatever reason, disappeared. Maybe time was starting to take its toll on his guilt and self-hatred? But somehow she didn't really buy into that possibility. It would take much longer than a week. Nick was way too pigheaded for something as foreign to him as self-forgiveness to sink in in that short amount of time. No. It had to be something else. Perhaps it was the rescue tonight? Although he'd shrugged off its importance, she knew he still had to have some sort of a feeling of accomplishment for his actions, no matter how much he denied it. But even tonight's success didn't seem like it would be enough to soften him so quickly. Maybe....
Natalie's hand left her mouth to settle on her hot cheek. Maybe the kiss?
Yeah, right. No. Definitely no. The denial ran through her head as a low chuckle disturbed the silence in the room. She would be flattering herself if she thought it would have that kind of an affect on him. He wasn't nearly as vulnerable to her attentions as she was to his. Although, the raw desire she'd seen in his face after he'd broken the kiss made her wonder about the validity of that belief. The feelings they held for one another were deep, strong. And whenever they slipped from their chosen path of friendly distance, the result affected both of them, greatly. But nevertheless, the kiss had happened long after she'd gotten her first inkling of the change in him. That possibility didn't hold much water.
The heat in her cheeks grew a little warmer as she recalled what she had done. After all, they had hardly slipped this time. It had been more like a shove. And her handprints were all over both of their backs. She still couldn't believe she'd been so bold. She'd practically thrown herself at him, for goodness sake. But the need for him to feel her pride, her belief in him, her love for him, had hijacked her reason and common sense. At that moment in time, she hadn't been thinking about anything other than filling that need. And Nick certainly hadn't acted as though he objected, not by any stretch of the imagination. On the contrary, he'd seem almost as desperate for the contact as she had been.
Natalie's eyes slid shut. She could still feel him, taste him. A shiver of aroused excitement bolted through her body as she remembered the fierce hunger she had sensed in him as he'd explored her mouth. But amazingly, she hadn't seen any sign of the vampire. And for that she was thankful. The gratitude, however, wavered as she considered the reason for his unusual control. He'd been drinking human blood. A frown pulled at her lips. That could very well be the explanation for his ability to keep the vampire at bay. She didn't like to admit it, but...it could be true. Perhaps the human blood had allowed for the kiss. She didn't know. And as another memory of the passionate embrace filled her mind, she wasn't sure how much she cared.
Now wait just a minute, Lambert. Nat silently reined in her disturbing musings. Of course you care. You care a hell of a lot. Stop acting like some foolish adolescent.
Taking her hand from her cheek, she opened her eyes and looked nervously around the empty room, unnecessarily concerned that someone might have seen her standing in the middle of the lab mooning over a certain homicide detective.
Running an unsteady hand down the front of her lab coat, Natalie turned and made her way back to her desk, sinking down in the chair.
Priorities, Lambert. Priorities. She turned her thoughts back to the major cause for her optimism. Nick's determination had shown real signs of weakness this morning, and the discovery was enough to make Nat absolutely giddy with excitement and a strengthened confidence. The wide grin returned as she leaned back in the chair and once again stared at the door through which the vampire had made his escape.
"This isn't over, Nick." The quiet declaration brimmed with an immovable conviction as Natalie silently vowed to make it harder than ever for him to leave.
The goblet shattered under the pressure put on it by the unrestrained strength of the preternatural hand that held it, human blood and vampire blood mixing as the shards of glass cut through ancient flesh. But LaCroix didn't feel the sting of the small wounds as he stared into the dark abyss that loomed before his shadowed eyes. He only felt the pain of impending loss, grief for a dying dream. His lips tightened into yet a deeper scowl as he continued to glean the chaotic thoughts running through his protege's mind. The triumph, the success, like tiny grains of sand, was beginning to slip through his fingers, Nicholas' reawakening optimism loosening the master vampire's always-tenuous grip on his wayward son.
Damn you, Nicholas! Damn you!
His sights focused on the blood that slowly dripped from his fingertips, his hand dangling over the front of the arm of the chair in which he sat. He tried to think. What had happened? When had it happened? When had the momentum of Nicholas' determination changed its course? What had tipped the uncertain scales in this unwanted direction? Granted, his son was still the toy of an unrelenting confusion, but it had been a confusion borne of a sincere need to leave this life behind, a troubled acceptance of his eternal existence. Now the confusion seemed steeped in a growing belief that he might be able to stay, a feeling of...hope, of forgiveness, fluttering to fragile life somewhere beneath the vast sea of grief and despair in which Nicholas floundered.
Another life-preserver had been thrown in the boy's direction, but unlike the countless others that bobbed, quietly ignored, around him in the waters of melancholy solitude, this particular lifeline was getting a long, hard look. This time, he wasn't turning his back on the offered salvation. No, this time, he was thinking about reaching out for it, accepting it, welcoming it.
A slow sigh escaped LaCroix as he watched the blood begin to dry into a thin, red shell over his hand, silently admitting that his child's desire for deliverance was not entirely a bad thing. Nicholas needed to lift himself out of the pain and guilt in which he was drowning, but it had to be his father's hand he reached for, his father's help he accepted, welcomed. Anyone else's support would mean only a temporary reprieve from the disillusionment. His master's was the only true rescue from the debilitating sorrow, the only true freedom from the suffering his son endured. Why, after all that had happened, did Nicholas continue to be so blind? Would he never learn?
The faint shudder of an uninvited apprehension rippled down LaCroix's back. He'd waited too long, growing careless in the intoxicating belief that his beautiful creation would soon be back by his side. Even after he'd cautioned himself against the trap, he'd nonetheless fallen into it, boorishly disregarding the warning he'd felt from Nicholas only a few days ago. Foolishly, he'd chosen to dismiss the overwhelming tide of warmth and contentment that had flowed from his protege as nothing more than a temporary reprieve from the pain, Nicholas' thoughts filled with his love for Elliot and the child's love for him. After all, at the time, there had been no confusion; the determination to leave had remained in place, however shaky.
Lucien shook his head as an impatient self-annoyance blossomed in the back of his mind. Apparently, he had underestimated this event's significance. Looking back on it now, he supposed it was then that the winds of Nicholas' resolve had started to shift, the force of the at first gentle breeze increasing with each day that had passed to culminate in this morning's gale of bewildered acceptance.
LaCroix's bloody hand slowly formed a white-knuckled fist, the anger a steady heat simmering just beneath the surface. If he didn't do something about this most recent turn of events quickly, the gust would carry his precious child away from him, back to the undeserving humanity that surrounded them. The thought was enough to turn his stomach. He would not lose this fight again.
"Humanity." LaCroix uttered the word as his eyes fell to the floor, a pure, earnest disgust filling his quiet voice.
One human in particular came to mind, and the immortal's hand clenched tighter in reaction.
Doctor Natalie Lambert. Her meddling had no doubt been a further cause for this morning's plummet into forgiving uncertainty. He could feel his son's love and desire for the woman even as he tried to shut it out. It was indeed powerful, much too powerful. Something would have to be done. Her disruptive influence would have to stop. Another visit was apparently called for, a considerably more forceful visit.
Rising from his chair, Lucien looked down on the crushed glass that lay scattered on the floor surrounded by the dulling scarlet that now marred the exquisite Persian rug. Using such force on the good doctor, although somewhat appealing, might not be very practical where Nicholas' reaction was concerned. His alienation would more than likely be permanent. Still.... If necessary.... After all, permanent was relative when one considered immortality.
LaCroix's eyes slid to the red fist at his side, the tension leaving his hand as he considered the now dried, cracked sheen covering his skin. The blood of many of Nicholas' acquaintances throughout the centuries was on his hands, and he had no regrets for the lessons he had believed imperative for his son to learn. Perhaps this lesson was far too long overdue. Perhaps....
But he couldn't help feeling that the stain of Natalie Lambert's blood might be a little more difficult to live with. The deep scowl returned to LaCroix's brow. Even if he didn't care for the good doctor or her misguided beliefs, he seemed unable to stop himself from respecting her. And Nicholas had never gotten this close to a mortal woman before, become this attached, loved this deeply. From every angle, removing Doctor Lambert from his creation's life looked to be a great deal harder than he would have thought. A small, rebellious part of him hoped she would listen to reason this time. But if she didn't....
Tonight.
The decision made, LaCroix retired to his bedroom. He would clean up, rest and prepare for what needed to be done.
End Chapter 23